Love, God and all that stuff..

Alot has been written over the past few months on politics, and religion, angst and hypocrisy, bullying and priviledge, you get the point. Sunday mornings are usually my time for reflection and it's been my habit over the past several weeks to read a friend's blog, his Sermon, for brain-food. His name is John Harrison, tragic_pizza on Twitter, and i want to share some thoughts on this man and also just some ramblings of my own.

Let me say that I joined Twitter at the begining of the summer to research the Outlaw Preachers after being somewhat disenchanted with this group on Facebook. I wanted to see if there was a human, a personality somewhere behind all the arguments and pomposity, a person that i could ask what the hell was all this new stuff I was reading. I happened on to John's Twitter along with several other Outlaw Preachers.

I have not been impressed with this loosely- gathered group as a whole. Egos abound and basic questions aren't acknowledged or distainfully answered with as few words as possible as tho the question itself isnt deep enough to bother with. If there is one thing I despise is being treated as if I'm a child. At the age of 52 years old, I have actual scriptural knowledge but also life knowledge that counts for a great deal. I don't like being dismissed or patted on the head when I am on a quest for answers.

I am a stubborn sort, and honesty is what i just wallow in. I don't care if it is startling or shocking or subtle, i just love the Truth. I love people that tell the truth. Hence my mention of John, and I hope he doesn't mind me writing this about him.

When i ask a question, often times, especially with the Outlaw Preachers Inner Sanctum, I get a lot of gobble-de-gook of OT versus Nt, platitudes, or argument that covers the person's lack of knowledge, plainly written, they don't know. Yes, yes, YES, I know they don't have a basic theory that includes all in the group, but when I ask an opinion, I would guess everyone has one. It seems that if they don't know an answer to my questions, they get angry and go on to the easier questions. John harrison has the balls to say "I don't know". And I dont think the OP has the slightest idea what an asset this man is to their group.

It's rare these days for someone to say that, you know. It's a simple phrase. "I don't know". It seems everyone has to have the answers, has to be seen as an intellectual icon. Why? In this age of Twitter and Facebook, I think having a 140 answer is the trend. Where did honest conversation go? Why can't humans interact anymore, even thru the sterile environment of the computer? Social network was supposed to ease debate, make it available to everyone. It seems to me that it has given us a convienient hiding place, to drop quotes and statements without the responsibility of explaining the meaning or having a real conversation. One can drop a 140 statement then disappear into thin air. This doesn't work for me especially when discussing religion or new thoughts on the parts of the Bible that don't count anymore. I don't do "hit and runs". Sure, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when you put it into the abyss of Twitter, and people are free to see what you are saying, I think the responsible thing to do is to answer questions about the intent of the opinion.

This Halloween I will observe my ritual of Samhain, the begining of the New Year for pagans. i don't consider myself a pagan because i believe in Jesus Christ, but i am still struggling with the concept of the Trinity. so i will thank my Lord and Lady for all that i have, reflect on the past year and ask for blesings for the next. i will build my fire and light my candles for the ritual that I love but you know what? i see God, the Christian God in these rituals as well. I believe that "God" encompasses both male and female and the only difference between my "pagan" beliefs and the Christian God is that the Female and Male are separate. Well, I ask, isn't the Trinity both separate but the same? So is mine.

My ritual asks for patience, love, for other people, direction to know how to best help hurting humans in need, how to help my family. Is this not the same prayer Christians pray? I light candles for focus, for reverence, for symbols of what I am asking. And I will ask my own Great Spirit for the wisdom to sift thru all the hoo-ha I'm seeing thrown out on social media without explanation.

i love the Bible because i feel there is something in it we are not getting. To me it says despite all the arguments of how to love, why to love, when to love, where to love, just to do it, DO it, is what matters. No matter what. Am i going to hell? I don't know. Is there a hell? the few answers i get to this question are varied. But if it counts, i love. Even the idiots with massive egos. i may not like them, but i love them as a human being with a reason for being here, whatever that reason may be. Do i still have a lot to learn? Of course. But at least I'm listening.

Listen to the people who question. Hear what they are asking. Take the time to answer. It may be the last time they will ever ask.

Thank you John, for listening to me and answering me EVERY time, even if it's with an honest "I don't know". With all your cursing and ungodly humour, I feel you are truly a man of God.

Angst and outrage and whispers....oh MY!

LOL! If you can't stand opposing views grow a thicker skin. I'm not here to massage egos. So...deal with it or don't read it. Up to you.

I am getting down to serious painting this week. I'm tired of "casting pearls before swine" and so return with eager dedication to my paint and canvas, paper and pastels, to corrupt some more narrow-minded religious zealots in this town. My series is of a spiritual nature, belonging to no group or church, both the positive and negative of my brain-pan. My canvas always welcomes me, and my paint always says what I want it to.

Carry on the war, my sweet ones. I won't participate this week. Unless something drastic comes up, of course. I'll post the pics of my art as it proceeds.

"I'm sorry, BUT"..............isn't an apology.

I wanted to write this morning, as usual with no spell-check or grammar ck, because I had a heavy heart with all that has gone on the this week with the Outlaw Preachers. I did not intend to write this when I first got up, but read a dear friend's sermon, thank you John, and found myself hopeful again. And with something to say.

I have devoted waaay too much time to this subject this past week and need to go on to my real life much more. But I wanted to post a few thoughts on the word, "amends". Here's the official definition:
reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind.

The reason I am writing this is because it's easy to say "I'm sorry" and walk away. It's simple to write "I know I was a bit crass but at the time....". or "at the time my anger was justified but....". this is not an apology to me. It is deflecting responsibility of one's own words, and invalidating my feelings as a human being. It's a band-aid on a knife cut, with the blood running out from under it. And it won't do for me anymore. I won't accept it.

In my experience with therapy and certain programs I was taught a valuable lesson. If you're going to bother to apologize, then make amends. MAKE AMENDS. The apology is nothing without at least the offer of amends. Here's why. Just the simple saying of three syllables, "I'm sorry" is empty. It has no meat on it. It has no weight. It is just air coming thru lips. But to at least offer to make amends.....that puts work with the words. It engages one in a physical act of some type to try and make the hurt right again. It forces one to be humble enough to say "What can I do to make this better for you, as I am responsible?". I think it takes one to a place of recognition in one's heart that we have indeed hurt someone in some way and need to SHOW we are sincerely ashamed of our actions. It is an act of asking forgiveness that a simple phrase will never cover.

i do not say I'm sorry easily. I never have. But the older I have become the easier it gets. And the easier it gets, the more relief I get out of trying to make amends. It really heals two people, the person who has been hurt, but the person who has inflicted the hurt as well. I'm sure there is some Biblical reference for this but as it is early and I am just writing as I think this, I do not know it at the moment. I am just writing out of my own personal knowledge.

To me the worst thing someone can do is apologize then try to rationalize it. It defeats the entire person. A favorite T.V. show of mine "The West Wing" had Jed Bartlett say something to this subject I have never forgotten. When his wife Abby was trying to apologize for doing or saying something wrong but kept saying "BUT" he looked at her and said "No, no buts. Just sit there and be wrong". ........Just sit there and be wrong. Can we do that. I haven't seen it. I try to apologize when I am hurtful. i try to say "What can I do to help make this right?" even if it takes a conversation, a time for me to just "sit there and be wrong" and listen to the person's point of view without interruption, without explanation, without wiggling. And there is a big difference between listening and HEARING. Hearing is taking words into my heart and comprehending. Feeling them. I learned that at therapy too..heh.

Every one of us wants to be heard. I understand that. But does everyone of us want to HEAR? Can we make amends to people we have hurt? I don't do it every time. But I try. An apology with a "but" on the end is not an apology. Just sayin....and i know I have the right to be heard.